Thursday, 26 July 2012

You Requested........

Well so far, the poll has been overwhelmingly in favor of "posts about guys, for girls" so I decided to go ahead and post this!  I actually wrote most of this article before I actually even made the poll... and we'll start off with a little...disclaimer...of sorts. Since "disclaimer" technically isn't the right word so I'll call it a...a note.  That works.

{Note #1}
I know the majority of my followers / readers are girls...  and my blog is, admittedly, a little girly, not to mention that I cover lots of typically female topics, such as like shopping at malls (and only spending $1 :)).  Guys are certainly welcome to read my posts and follow my blog!  However since I do cover some spiritual topics sometimes, I wouldn't want to take away from their leadership by teaching them...  I do not think it is really Biblical for women to each men about spiritual matters so I wouldn't want to disobey that.

That all being said, I kind of feel led to post about guys, especially since you girls out there have requested it! I'm glad I get to post on this topic because God has been teaching me a lot about guys lately.  I'm excited for all He's showing me and I am eager to discover more about what my Biblical role is as a young woman, and how I can serve my brothers in Christ to the fullest, instead of being a hindrance to them.  I felt led to share some of what I've learned with you...  probably in multiple posts.

{Note #2}
First of all, some of you may've been weirded out by the whole Biblical women / men thing I talked about above.  Growing up, I kind of became unwittingly caught up in a slightly feminist worldview.  I watched movies with strong female heroines and knew that God loved both men and women equally (He does!).  Somehow I missed the point that men and women have different roles.  God loves us both the same, but we weren't created to do the same things.  I didn't start learning this until several years ago and I've been studying it a little more about it since.  However I wasn't planning on this being an article about Biblical femininity, so I'll leave it at that for now, but if you'd like a post on it later, perhaps I shall!

I think I'll just start out with sharing some random tips that I've been learned.  The main books that have helped me a ton are...

- the Bible (of course!)  God created men, women, marriage, love (He IS love!) and He's the best advice-giver as far as...well, as far as anything is concerned!
- Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally - Sarah has a ministry that includes a discipleship group for young ladies (Bright Lights) and conferences, one of them being about "Radiant purity".  If you ever get a chance to go to one of Sarah's conferences, please do so...I doubt you will regret it!  Her book and her Radiant Purity conference talks about  "Waiting for God's Best", "How to Guard Your Heart When You Have a Crush", and more.  Before You Meet Prince Charming is a great read for girls of all ages, covering similar topics as the conference including "Romantic Dreams", "Dangers with the Dating System" and more.  Though I haven't read it yet, there is also a study guide available for this book.
- It's (Not That) Complicated by the Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin.  This is a wonderful, comprehensive, extremely helpful read.  It's written in a fun, easy-going style that entertains, teaches and convicts.  It also features thoughts from actual, authentic, real, living, breathing young men!

I highly encourage you to check out the last two books (assuming you have a Bible and are already frequently "checking" it out! :))...  reading them will teach you a LOT and you will be glad you did it!

Okay, now for the tips.  I might go into these in more detail in the future, these are just the ones that boinged out of my head a few days ago.  It's kind of an overview of everything I've learned so far...

- Life isn't all about finding a husband.  Although God created marriage, some of us are not destined to be married.  Although it's tempting as we hit preteen years, or are teenagers, to think of every nice young man as a possibility.  What if he's the one?  However Sarah Mally suggests that we can use our single years to bless others and focus on Jesus instead of being focused on finding our one.

- Not every guy in the world needs to like you.  You don't need every guy's attention, respect, admiration or worship (worship of humans = bad!!!  Not good!).  If you are to be married, God already has your one picked out.  Whether you know him now, or you'll meet him later in life, you don't need to worry about it.  God has it covered.  Don't try and please every guy...just try and please God.  And by doing so, you'll be able to influence the girls and guys around you for good.

- There is something called emotional purity.  Sure, we might wear a purity ring and dress modestly, but we might be dreaming away about so-and-so in our heads.  Building a mental castle, our daydream, our perfect dream come true, is just setting us up for heartbreak.  Wasting time dreaming about that one guy will only cause you to become more attached to him.  When you find out he is not the one, you will be heartbroken.  So much pain can be saved by keeping your thoughts suppressed.  I try not to think about guys too much... if the thought of him comes to mind, try praying.  You could pray for your future husband, a specific friend or family member, pick, but the quicker you can prevent yourself from fantasizing, the better.

- Although it seems like the guys around you enjoy biting sarcasm and smart touche's, cutting down our brothers in Christ with our words doesn't seem like the best thing to do.  Besides, you might end up hurting your friend unintentionally...  or your bickering might be seen as "flirting"... (I'm serious!).  Also, let's imagine for a moment you marry him.  Is the constant flirtatious argument going to stop as soon as he puts the ring on your finger?  Probably not.  And soon that arguing won't be giddily hilarious, it will be dangerous, not to mention a bad example for your children...

- Most of you are probably familiar with the saying that God answers prayer with one of 3 answers...  Yes, no, or wait.  Maybe we view His thoughts kinda like a stoplight...
Red - No way!
Yellow - Maybe
Green - Yes, that is in My will!  Go for it!
But often, I think when we find ourselves at a "maybe", we take it for a "go"!  Or we convince ourselves God is saying, "go", when in reality He is saying, "Yes, that is a nice young man...but you are young...he is young too.  I have someone better and more suited for you (and another girl already picked out for him) but you have to wait.  Are you willing to do that for me?"  Too often we respond with something like, "Yes, I know you have someone special for me.  But even though You know who he is, I don't!  What if this guy is the one?  It can't hurt to "try him out", even if he isn't the one."  Like I wrote about a couple of posts back, let's not take just what's "good"...let's wait for God's BEST.  God has something awesome waiting for us.  Let's not decide we know better than God, jump ahead, and embrace a relationship too early.  Let's wait for God's nudging before we plunge head-first into disaster.

- Don't gossip about guys with your girlfriends.  Your friends are more likely to egg you on and most likely, they will only encourage you to waste your thoughts and dreams on your crush.  I do think you can talk about guys with your girlfriends...  let's just talk about our brothers in Christ in the right way.  A friend and I are going through Before You Meet Prince Charming together...we read a chapter and then discuss it once a week on Skype.  It's great to have a close friend you can share your guy struggles with, who can encourage you Biblically instead of egging you on.  Also, talking to your mom can be a great idea.  After all, she was once a girl like you, and moms can give out some great advice.  :)

- I've learned that if you really care about someone...  if you really care about that young man...  you will love him, in Christian love, so dearly that you will not want to do anything to hurt him.  The idea of wounding him would be repulsive to you.  The idea of causing him to stumble would bring pain to you.  And if you care about someone that that binding, Christian fellowship that ties Christ's children together...  then you will not want to hurt him.  And protecting him - and yourself - might mean stepping away.  It might mean letting your own thoughts and dreams about him die and exchanging your ideals for God's best plan for you.  It might mean sharing your thoughts and feelings with your mom and dad and asking them for advice.

These are just a few thoughts that came to mind after discussing guys at a party.  I wanted to share what I've been learning with you and I hope it's helped...  please comment with your thoughts!


Don't forget to...
- pray for those involved in the Colorado shooting
- enter ze giveaway if you would like! Less than a week left now!
- vote on the poll if you haven't already! ---> I would love to know what else you want me to write about :)


  1. I love this post Kara!!!!! Your an amazing and encouraging writer!

  2. This is very encouraging! WAY TO GO!!! :)

  3. I like this post. I love how you talk about emotional purity. I haven't read those books, but I'll check to see if I can read them. Oh, and I'd love to see a post on Biblical femininity, becuse I always like your posts even if I don't completely agree with them.
    Also, on your poll I voted more book/movie reviews because I want to see whatt you think about books and movies. I always love a good book review. (Or a movie review.) Also, I need stuff to read!
    Oh, by the way, on the topic of books: Have you read the Gideon Trilogy by Linda Buckley-Archer? It's good, I reccomend it. Also, another great book that I think you'll like (if you're a fan of fantasy) is Forbidden Sea by Sheila A. Nielson.

    God bless!

    1. Thanks so much!
      Thanks for your thoughts there! I've seen some movies lately I'd like to review so I'll try and write those out sometimes in the future! And if I find a good book I love to share it! :)
      I have not. Thanks for the recommendation!

  4. Hi Kara! I nominated you:

  5. Kara,
    Great thoughts on this topic & I completely agree! God can really use us in our single years...and many of us won't be single that many years (compared to non-single years, it's short), so we should use this time to glorify God without a guy.
    Much love,

  6. Thanks for the thoughts, everyone! I'm so glad my post has been encouraging to you! :)


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