reflections upon, "into the woods"

Last December, J was home for Christmas break. It was Tuesday, so we decided to go to $5 movie night after my shift at work. We chose to see Into the Woods, a musical mashup of popular fairytales that retains canonical references (like eye-pecking birds and drastic foot-altering) to the Brothers Grimm. We'd seen the show as a high school play once before, and I knew that it contained some questionable content and lyrics, but I'd seen photo stills online and simply fallen in love with the gorgeous costuming. We surprised ourselves by enjoying the movie - we laughed out loud at Agony - and loving the music. 
Later, I wasn't surprised to see many Christian bloggers bashing the movie for its worldly themes - I had found myself cringing at the finale song, No One Is Alone, which takes place when Little Red Riding Hood questions the morals of killing a giant, since her now-deceased mother taught her murder was wrong (and in response, Cinderella offers some very interesting advice). Even so, it was no surprise that the song promoted self-decided morality - without God as a moral compass, we can only look to our conscience for right and wrong. But the questionable ending song also caught my attention for another reason. To comfort Red, Cinderella, sings "Mother cannot guide you / now you're on your own" and the lyrics later include the lines:

Mother isn't here now Who knows what she'd say? Nothing's quite so clear now... Feel you've lost your way You decide, but you are not alone Believe me, no one is alone

"Mother cannot guide you, now you're on your own," and, "Mother isn't here now, who knows what she'd say?" Someday, if it is God's will for me to have a family, I want my children to know what I would say to them after my passing. When faced with a decision, I don't want them to be like Little Red, feeling lost and confused. I don't want them to have to guess my hypothetical thoughts and opinions. When faced with a moral dilemma, I want them to know exactly what I would tell them. Not because I've left them a book entitled, "What to Do When a Giant Attacks Your Home" or an instruction manual titled, "What to Do In Every Situation (As Told By Your Mother)". It's because I've taught them to turn to the only book that can truly give us guidance. It's because I've encouraged them to have a relationship with One who is fully good and loving and because I've turned them towards the One who will make their decisions clear to them. The only One who will truly never leave them alone. The One who will help them find their way (His way). The One who has left us the best instruction manual ever - His Word and His Holy Spirit to help us understand. 
To my someday children - I pray that when faced with tough decisions, you will turn to God and His Word. That you will be able to enjoy a work of art, but realize its moral fallacies. That you will never truly feel alone, because although I may leave you, though your friends may you, though your loved ones may leave you, there is One who will never leave you alone. Though there may come a day when you will say, "Mother isn't here now", that you will know exactly what I would say.  

enough

This is a follow-up to my post, "Content to be Little". The other day while washing dishes at work I came to an interesting realization: that all I have right now is enough. That having an all-powerful God who loves enough to die for me is all that I could ever need; He is my greatest reward, He is all-sufficient, and before all else He must truly be my all in all.

December 2014

That having a man who loves me is enough, even if he can't marry me right away and even if we are separated by months and miles. The fact that he is loving, supportive, thoughtful, godly, respectable, a strong leader, a good listener, and a hard worker is enough.

January 2012

That having a body covered in medical-related scars is enough. That there is always someone who is better off than you, but there is also someone who is worse off than you. The point isn't to compare with others, but to find joy no matter the circumstance.

May 2015

That God has given me more blessings and gifts that I can realize, and that I don't deserve any of them. I belong entirely to the Creator and though He could do anything He likes to me, He chooses to love me even when I screw up, to pick me up when I fall, and to love me when I am at my most unloveable.  That everything I have is more than enough. // These are the things that make us realize // Life is beautiful - the Afters

mommy's smile

The other day an elderly customer asked me, "Where did you get such a lovely smile?" Of course, I went all blushy and shy and managed to say something like, "Uhhh...thanks! ...I was born with it, I guess?" But of course the simple compliment resulted in an interesting realization: my smile is from my birthmother. Last year I wrote a Mother's Day post to the three women who have each been a mother to me. Though each have earned their title for different reasons, I thought I'd use this opportunity to give a shoutout to my birthmom... ... for my smile. ... for my brown eyes. ... for my laugh. ... for my size 7.5 feet. ... for my perpetually "tan" skin (especially awesome in the winter) ... for my naturally straight teeth. ... for giving me a chance. ... for looking out for me. ... for loving me. ... for saving me. ... for risking her safety to give me this and more ... for giving me up ... for giving me life. Maybe I was an unplanned surprise. Or maybe you had to give me up, because you were waiting for a son who would be able to take care of you when you grew older. I don't know why, but I don't need to. It doesn't matter to me, because I already know everything I need to know: that you are an incredibly brave and strong woman who valued life enough to let me have the best chance. Abortion would've been easy, but you didn't choose the easy road. Instead of ending my life in its first few months, you chose life. Because of you I was able to learn how to speak, walk, read, and write. I was able to make a childless couple a family. I have been able to learn about God and His love and decide to live for Him. I've survived cancer, published a book, graduated high school, gotten a job, and fallen in love. All of this and more because you chose to give me your smile. So thank you, birthmommy. So many little boys and girls don't get that chance. 

content to be little

I used to hate being short. Everything was just a little out of reach. Jeans from the store were always a little too long. Getting anything out of the kitchen cupboards always turned into an adventure of epic proportions that usually involved climbing, balancing, and then deliberating on how to get down again. If only I were a few inches taller, things would be so much easier. Eventually I grew (no pun intended) to accept my fate. I even revealed my height - a little under five foot - which I'd kept a secret (even from my best friend) for several years. I made jokes that I had hobbit blood in me (although people then found it amusing to ask if I'd inherited hairy hobbit feet as well).  But recently I've been struggling with another kind of contentment - something that is deeper than fussing about my height, body shape, or complexion...deep discontentment that became anger at God and those around me.  I was frustrated that my boyfriend was at college learning about the Bible while it was a struggle for me to read a chapter in the Word each day and frustrated that he could hang out with friends whenever he wanted, when I was alone most nights. I was frustrated that several of my friends were devoting their lives to ministry while I was working at a minimum-wage job 30 hours a week, feeling like I wasn't making much difference. I was frustrated that while my best friend's parents were content for her to remain at home, my family did not wish me to do so working outside the home as well. I was frustrated that God wasn't using me to do big things, that He was passing up all my potential and giving all the opportunities to others. This last week of May was one of the hardest weeks of my life because my boyfriend was interning at a Christian camp that I have gone to for the past 5 summers. Though I felt that God was not calling me to return as staff this year, the week that he was gone and I remained at home was not easy. I was angry at God for allowing him and not me to go. I was angry that I couldn't be there with him through the hard week and angry that other people were supporting and encouraging him in my place because I couldn't be there. I hated how I was constantly waiting for a text, a phone call, an update. I felt lost and dead inside.  When the week was almost halfway over, I finally spent a significant time in prayer. I admitted how wrong I had been and asked God to forgive me, to change my heart so that it would be pleasing to Him. I realized that perhaps God was not giving me big things to do for Him because I had not been faithful in the little tasks He had given me. I realized I needed to be content wherever and even with whomever God wanted me. The anger and frustration won't go away overnight, but I am slowly learning to be content. Even content to be little. 

"Food" for Thought

You are a statistic. I am a machine. Maybe I should stop seeing you as a pie graph. Maybe you should stop seeing me as an automaton. * * * Nearly 10 months ago, I got my first job. The food service industry has been quite the adventure, and though it hasn't always been easy, I've enjoyed getting to know my coworkers (as well as my regular customers!) and earning a bit of money, too. Though every job has its positives and negatives, one of the factors I've found most draining about my job is spending hours interacting with customers... yet not interacting with people. * * * When you step up to order a combo meal at a fast food restaurant, or walk up to a register to check out an article of clothing at a department store, it's somewhat natural to greet the cashier and possibly mumble a, "How are you?" But how many times do you actually listen to their reply? If they actually said something other than the expected, "good" or "fine", would you even notice? In fact, would you even care?  * * * Now it's my turn.  There's a long line, and I'm only halfway through the lunch rush. Maybe I can tell that you're tired or stressed. Maybe I can tell that you've had a bad day. I attempt to smile, but after I've finished serving you, will I give you another thought? * * * Humans by nature are sinful, selfish people. And in America we're constantly encouraged to think about how we need more things, how we can make more money to buy said things, how we can get the most out of our money, what's in it for us, etc. Watch a few advertising commercials and you'll know what I mean.  Even as Christians, it's easy to slip into the habits of thinking only for ourselves. But - no surprise here - the two greatest commandments have nothing to do with ourselves. 

Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." [Matthew 22:37-40]

Love for God and love for others can cause us to do big things for God. But maybe sometimes we get so caught trying to do big things for God that we forget that small things matter, too.  Though I basically detest The Hobbit trilogy, there are a few lines from the movie that are decent. As I was writing this, a quote came to mind... 

"Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay - small acts of kindness and love." [The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, 2013]

I'm not saying that smiling at a cashier will change the world. (It probably won't.) But it might brighten someone's day, just a little. Maybe I should stop seeing you as a statistic. And if I do, maybe you won't think of me as a machine. If I treat you as a person - made in the image of God, loved by God, valued by God - I won't think of you as a number anymore. And if you see me as a person - made in the image of God, loved by God, valued by God - then you will think of me as I really am.  Maybe there needs to be a little more kindness and a little more thought. On both sides of the counter.

I'm Done.

One of my favorite musicals is Jekyll & Hyde, a Broadway show based on the book by Robert Louis Stevenson. The story explores the themes of good and evil, hypocrisy and corruption. Of course, the musical doesn't have a Christian worldview, so the remedy for evil, hypocrisy, and corruption is not Jesus' perfect blood, but instead a vial of liquid that Dr. Jekyll injects in his arm, causing him to truly become two people - one good, one completely evil (and it goes downhill from there).

One of the musical numbers is called Façade. In the song, the poor people of 1800's London sing about how the saintly rich wear a mask of goodness, but inside, they are as corrupt as everyone else. The song talks about how man is a "master of deceit" and "loves the façade".

I wonder, how many times do we as Christians put up our own façade?

Sometimes we like to pretend that we have it all together. We like to pretend that we don't have problems or struggles in our relationships with God. We like to pretend that we have conquered habitual sin. We like to pretend that our family lives are perfect. We like to pretend that all our thoughts are good. But they aren't.

Human beings are innately sinful. Even as Christians, we will continue to struggle with sin. God will help us if we ask Him, and He can help us to become more like Him. But we will still mess up, over and over again. That's basically a fact.

So why do we hide these facts?

One of the examples of pride that I listed in my last post was, "Not sharing your struggles with others because you want to look good to them". How can the body of Christ edify, challenge, encourage, uplift, strengthen, and help each other if we hide our problems and pretend that everything is fine? 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us, "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another..." Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." (emphasis added) Galatians 6:2 tells us to, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Hebrews 3:13 tells us to, "exhort one another daily..." But how can we do this if we hide our struggles, burdens, and fears from our brothers and sisters in Christ?

I'm not necessarily saying that you should blurt out your problems to everyone who asks, "How are you?" But I am gently suggesting that maybe we should stop telling people, "I'm fine", or "I had a great week!" when we really didn't. Maybe we should start being honest with each other. Maybe we should start holding one another accountable. Maybe we should start lowering our façades and letting people see us as we truly are - sinners redeemed by Christ. Sinners who will make mistakes, over and over and over again, but sinners who can change by the power of Christ. Yes, it's scary to let people in. Yes, it can be painful. But when we humble ourselves enough to allow us to become vulnerable, then we will actually be able to help, strengthen, and edify one another. And others will lower their guards too. And then we will see each other as we truly are, and we will be able to truly help one another.

Let's start by lowering the façades. Not all at once, perhaps... we can go slowly. But we can start. Let's let ourselves be just a little vulnerable... it's remarkable how freeing it can be.

"So we stay on our guard
Though we love the façade
What's behind the façade?
Look behind...the façade."
- Jekyll & Hyde, the Musical

"Klarabelle"

A Dangerous Disease (And Its Remedy)

My dear friends, I feel it my duty to warn you of a danger that has infiltrated our churches, our families, and our relationships, causing friendships and fellowships to be ripped apart and replaced with jealousy, strife, and sorrow. It starts in the heart and then spreads to the mind and to the actions. If left untreated, it can only lead to destruction.

This disease is pride.

What Pride Isn't (And What It Is) 

When I was growing up, I knew about pride, but I had a misunderstanding of its true nature. I thought that pride was simply "thinking yourself as better than others". Pride was thinking, "I can ride my bike much better than so-and-so!" "My toys are so much cooler than so-and-so's!" "My clothes are nicer than..." and so on.

But over the past few years, I've learned about both more deeply and more painfully than I ever would've desired. Pride is so much more than "thinking yourself as better than others", because what does thinking about yourself as better really entail?

Pride includes...

-- Not sharing your struggles with others because you want to look good to them

-- Insisting on always being right (even when you are not)

-- Not allowing others to take part or lead (because you want to do it all yourself)

-- Not listening, taking offense at, or becoming defensive in response to reproof or instruction

-- Feeling that you deserve something from God or that He is withholding something from you

Can you think of a few more examples that might not usually be attributed to pride? Pride is not so much as thinking of yourself as better than others, but simply thinking of yourself too much.

Pride has a remedy.

The remedy is humility.

What Humility is NOT (and What it is)

When I was growing up, I learned about humility too, but I had a misunderstanding of all it entailed. I thought that humility was simply "thinking about others more." - being focused on other people instead of yourself. Humility was thinking, "So-and-so is really good at _____." etc.

But humility is so much more than simply thinking about others more. Because often times, thinking of others can simply lead to comparison. "So-and-so is much better at me than _____." Comparison often leads to discontentment - "I wish  could ____ like _____." "Why didn't God give me _____ like ____?"

Another (false) definition of humility flip-flops "thinking yourself as better than others" to "thinking of others as better than yourself". This is wrong because this, too, is self-centered. The sentence, "____ is better at ____ than me." is still all about me.

I've come to believe that humility is seeing ourselves the way God sees us. It's seeing ourselves as broken, sinful, desperate, and completely lost on our own. But it's also seeing ourselves as something of value because we are created in the image of God. He loves us, He cares for us, and He gave His Son to take our place so that we would be able to have a relationship with Him.

Broadening Our Definitions

Someone who, for example, feels that God is withholding something from them might say, "I'm not prideful because I'm not thinking of others more than myself." But they are being prideful, because that discontent stems from pride. Someone who thinks, "That person is better at ____ than me. I wish I was like them." might think they are being humble - after all, they are complimenting another person! But in truth they are not being humble at all. 

Maybe it's just me, but does it seem like to you that our definitions of pride and humility need to be broadened? We have narrowed the definitions of pride and humility so that we think we are free from the former but possess the latter... but instead we have deceived ourselves. We have allowed pride to sneak into our lives, beginning in our hearts, spreading to our minds, and then influencing our actions.

The Bible, particularly Proverbs, warns us about pride. Probably the most well-known verse is Proverbs 16:18 - "Pride goes before destruction, [a]nd a haughty spirit before a fall." In James 4:6, it says that "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Let us strive to resist pride, with God's help, and pray for His grace to give us true humility, my friends.

"For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith..." Romans 12:3

//Sorry about not posting this last week; it slipped my mind.//

I don't need coffee.

One scoop of instant coffee. Half a scoop of fake sugar. 1/4 some Italian sweet creamer from the grocery store. Some boiling water from the kettle. All mixed together and poured messily into a turquoise to-go mug.

10 minutes later. I have successfully chugged the coffee in time to arrive at work feeling (and hopefully looking) preppy.

It lasts about 2 hours.

Then I crash.

Really hard.

And I kind of just want to hide from the world.

* * *

Okay, so I'm not sure if I'd say I love coffee (compared to my friends who are coffee connoisseurs, I know virtually nothing about coffee) or even that I'm addicted to caffeine (I can survive a day without it...I think). But as I was attributed my anti-social and irritable behavior on my coffee-deficient body, I slowly realized something. How often do I blame my grumpy and negative attitudes and actions on lack of caffeine?

I mean, type "coffee love" into Pinterest, and you find all sorts of cute pins made in the adoration of coffee. 

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(Isn't it fantastic that all of the pins are the same size? It made my self-diagnosed OCD very happy).

I mean, most people probably refer to their desire for coffee in jest. I mean, most people don't get out of bed thinking, "I get to drink coffee today! Life is worth living!" (Do they?) But notice how in these few pictures, coffee is also attributed to good moods/feelings, energy, and motivation. Therefore without coffee one could assume it is acceptable to be grumpy, irritable, lethargic, and unmotivated... or in general, unhappy.

I'm not saying it's wrong to drink caffeine. Or that everyone who drinks coffee idolizes it into some kind of magic potion. But I am saying that maybe - at least for myself - I'm looking to the wrong thing for my happiness, energy, and motivation.

Joy
(Yes, I know happiness isn't the same thing as joy... but bear with me). In Nehemiah 8:10, Nehemiah tells the people, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." 1 Thessalonians 5:12 tells us to, "Rejoice always." Psalm 118:24 says, "This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." One of the fruits of the spirit is joy. And I have struggled for several years with discontentment and therefore lack of joy.

Energy (Strength)
Isaiah 40:28-31 says,

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. 

Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Motivation (Perseverance) 
Galatians 6:9 encourages us, "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Romans 5:3a-4 encourages us that "...tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope." 2 Thessalonians 3:13 says, "But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good."

* * *

Something that I've been learning recently is not to rely on myself. I've been trying so hard to change what's wrong in my life and in myself, but I've been relying on is a fallible, flawed, and messed up human being. It isn't enough to try to change myself. I have to surrender - give all to God, and allow Him to change me.

I need to find my joy, energy, and motivation in Him. I need to find my joy delighting in Him, find my strength in doing His will, and find my motivation from knowing that He will reward those who persevere.

When I'm grumpy because I'm discontent about my circumstances, I can't blame that on my lack of coffee. I have to find its true source, surrender it to God, and ask Him to change me.

When I'm feeling completely drained, I need to spend time with God reminding myself who He is and delighting in Him.

When I'm feeling unmotivated, I need to remind myself that life is short. God has work for me. There isn't much time and I need to spend my time here on earth being productive and doing His work.

Take a look at the quote below and think about it for a bit.

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The first time I saw the above on one of my late-night Pinterest scrolling, I thought it was cute. But even though it was almost certainly written with the best and lightest of intentions, isn't it interesting how the word "and" is included? But wait - isn't Jesus ALL we need? There is no need for Jesus AND. We only need Jesus. Maybe the saying should be, "Less coffee, more Jesus." 

God's Word and my relationship with Him is all I need to be renewed, reenergized, and filled with His joy.

I don't need coffee.



P.S. But I also promised honesty on this blog... and to be completely honest, I must tell you this. Today I came to work completely un-caffeinated today and lasted only a few hours before I headed off to buy a frappuccino. The irony and the hypocrisy. I really am sorry.

P.P.S. Like the new look? Check out the AM post for more info. :)

The Fault In Ourselves

Guys, I read The Fault In Our Stars.

If you like the book, you probably won't like what I have to say.

You have been fairly warned.

The Fault in Ourselves – Semi-Collected Thoughts Upon the Reading of John Green’s Best-Selling Tearjerker

Spoiler Alert: This is not a review, these are reflections. Spoilers abound.

I. Why I Read “The Fault in Our Stars”

            The fact that I actually read the book might come as a surprise to some, considering my previous posts concerning bestsellers generally bear titles similar to, “Why I Am Not Reading ________”. But one reason I decided to read the tale of two “extraordinary teenagers” – who also happen to be cancer patients – is because, although I may not be an “extraordinary teenager”, I  was once a cancer patient. On October 4, 2005, I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma – the same kind of cancer Augustus Waters is in remission from in The Fault In Our Stars. And like the book’s main character, I had a wish that came true due to what Hazel – or rather John Green – calls a “cancer perk”. I guessed that I probably wouldn’t agree with the worldview of the book, but I wanted to read it because I wanted to know if the cancer that is making teenage girls cry is the cancer that so many real teens have, or whether it’s some kind of Hollywood/John Green version. I wanted to know whether the death was romanticized or realistic. And so I bought a copy of the book, opened it up, and began to read. But to be honest, my cancer story is nothing like Hazel or Augustus’; I couldn't really compare it at all. Yes, every cancer story is unique, because each person is different and therefore every story and every experience is different. But I have, and I pray that you have, something that Augustus and Hazel do not have. And that is hope – real hope.

II. Initial Thoughts

            I’d read a synopsis of the book so I’d know which sections to skip. Generally to review a book, one must actually read the entire book, but this is not a review and there are some scenes in the story of which I am perfectly content to remain ignorant. I honestly find it hard to understand how Christian girls can read this book without feeling uncomfortable.

            However, when Green’s writing is not a) inappropriate/using swear words or b) ____ about God, he’s a pretty good writer. Some of the book’s witticisms did make my mouth twitch in an upward direction, and I will admit that I teared up (and might have sniffled) at some parts.

            Though I was not surprised, I was frustrated that every mention of God and/or Christianity was either written in a disrespectful or condescending way. Any characters with any kind of Christian inclination are seen as detached from reality or pitifully ignorant at best (and rather unfeeling at worst). Augustus states that he believes in a “Something with a capital ‘S’”, but his musings don’t extend much further than that.

III. Why?

            This book, and seemingly any book about death or suffering, brings up the question, “Why do bad things happen?” Usually the question is, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” But Hazel and Augustus don’t really seem to think of themselves as good or bad. Those factors don’t appear to matter. Augustus fears “oblivion”, and Hazel fears the suffering her parents will endure when her terminal cancer finally takes her life. But neither of them appear to have any fear of hell or even consider it.

IV. Hope

            Let’s face it – this book is just plain depressing. Sure, it has its, “Awww” moments and its laughable sentences, but this book is mostly just, well, sad. The book ends on a mildly happier note as Hazel is assured that her parents will live on even after she does not, and that they will always be her parents just as she will always be their daughter. But in the end, she never knows what happened to Augustus after he died; she never knows whether or not he fell into the oblivion he feared or even if she will ever see him again. The message this book sends is basically, “Let us love and live however we want, for tomorrow we die!”

            The Fault In Our Stars poses lots of deep questions; it prompts readers to think about life and death. But it doesn’t give its readers any answers. In a way, The Fault In Our Stars is just as unfinished as An Imperial Affliction, a book Hazel loves, which ends mid-sentence, leaving the reader hanging and wondering what happened to the main character and her family. The Fault In Our Stars shows us suffering, but it doesn’t give us any true hope.

            The main reason my cancer story is so different from Hazel and Augustus’ is because I have something they didn’t. I have faith – not the kind of faith that is only expressed in stereotypical comments and feel-good “sentiments” hung on walls – but the kind of faith that sustains a family in the darkest of times and brings hope when it seems like all hope is lost. Christ arose and therefore we know that there is a resurrection for us as well. Death is not the end, and those whose sins have been forgiven do not have to fear it.

            Also, I have the answer. The Bible gives us the answer. Why do bad things happen to “good” people? Because we are not “good” people. To parody old friend Shakespeare, one could say, “To obey, or not to obey?” (Spoiler alert: The first two people chose to disobey God, and since then everyone else has chosen to disobey God too). Because God loved us so much He created Adam and Eve with a will so that they would have the ability to choose to obey Him. Death and suffering were the consequences of their disobedience, because sin is serious. Though our unchanging God has always loved us, He has never hated sin any less. But God loved us so much He gives us hope, true hope – that those who trust Jesus as their Savior from sin’s punishment need not fear death. In a way we are all “grenades” because death will come for each and every one of us (unless Jesus comes back first). But spoiler alert – Jesus lives. And because He lives, we have true hope. Jesus overturned death because He gave His life as the sacrifice for our sins. If you know Jesus as your Savior, then you can know that God will sustain and guide you through the darkest of times, and you can hold onto the promise that one day we will no longer have to experience death or suffering, but will be able to worship God forever.

            This makes me think of the hymn, He Lives. The chorus says, “Because he lives / I can face tomorrow / Because he lives / All fear is gone / Because I know / He holds the future / And Life is worth the living / Just because He lives.” (And frankly, I’d much rather have that quoted to me than, “The Red Wheelbarrow” poem {which Hazel quotes to Augustus}). 

V. Conclusion

            Shakespeare was right. The fault, dear friends, “is not in our stars, but in ourselves”. Praise the Lord that He loves us despite our fault and despite ourselves!

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Courtship is Not a Cookie Cutter

June 02, 2014. 8:45 p.m. His car pulls up to the house and he parks by the curb. He climbs out and closes the door behind him. I kind of can't stop smiling. He asks my parents if we can go on a walk. We proceed a few feet down the sidewalk before he says, "The cat's kind of out of the bag now, so... will you be my girlfriend?"

Rewind to earlier in the day, where I've just gotten off the phone to find out that I've been offered a job that I recently interviewed for. "We have some news for you," my mom says. Naturally, I start to worry. News? Is someone sick? Dying? Dead? "No, it's good news," she assures me, and goes on to tell me that "a young man" is interested in courting me. And as soon as I find out who it is, I kind of start crying.

First Official "Date"

And so began the most exciting eight months of my life (so far :)). It hasn't always been easy, but the best part about it is that we have each other and we are excited to see where God will lead us.

But in the midst of this sappy post, I thought I'd share a few things I've learned through the courtship process so far. One of the most surprising things I've learned is...

Courtship is not a cookie cutter. "Well, duh," you might think. But what that simple statement entails is so much that I did not expect. It's that every courtship is different. It can be very different. And that's okay.

I am a legalistic person by nature; I am rule-oriented and am most comfortable when all rules are followed. I also hate conflict. I desire to learn the right thing to do, then do it, then encourage everyone else to do the exact same thing, so that a) everyone will be following the rules b) there is no conflict. However, I learned that my approach is not ideal, practical, or even necessarily right!

There are quite a few Biblical guidelines about relationships - we are told to flee sexual immorality (1 Cor 6:18, 1 Thess 4:3-5) and to put to death "fornication, uncleanness, passion...evil desire..." (Col 3:, NKJV). Proverbs 4:28 says, "Keep your heart with all diligence, [f]or out of it spring the issues of life." We are also told to love others selflessly - "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you..." (John 13:34).

When I first began to learn more about purity - not only physical, but emotional purity as well - I read Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally. Then I read It's (Not That) Complicated by the Botkin Sisters, and the famous I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris. Almost everything the books said about relationships and purity made sense, and I agreed with it. Then, shortly after my courtship began, this article - Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed - started floating around social media. At first, I was offended by the title, but eventually I decided to read it, deciding before I read the first word that I would disagree wholeheartedly when everything the article said. Then my boyfriend and my mother both read it, and said it brought up some valid points! I was frustrated that not everything could agree. Then slowly, I began to realize something.

Each relationship is different, because God made everyone unique. Although a relationship should include guidelines and rules, one of the most important (and perhaps often overlooked) is the heart. Not in the "follow your heart" sense, but your heart motives. It's much easier for me to set up a bunch of rules and try to follow them than to discern whether or not my heart is in the right place. Are you seeking to glorify God in this relationship?

My relationship might look different than yours. We hold hands. We go on "dates". We call each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". He tickles me when I'm upset. I send him letters with weird doodles. We nerd out about Lord of the Rings together. And we have invented an economy of optimism (don't even ask). Does my relationship look different than yours? Most definitely. Is that okay? If our hearts are in the right place, then I think its safe to say, yes.

"Klarabelle"

don't be deceived

I've been hearing a lot about two movies lately - God's Not Dead and Son of God. I recently read two extremely well-written articles that explained some of the unfortunate fallacies in these movies. I know sharing the link to these articles will not make me popular and may possibly offend some or many of my readers. But because I love you, and I care about you, I feel that it is my duty to warn you. Christians are to be discerning; we should not accept something just because it looks like a good "Christian" film or because it's about Jesus. Don't accept things at face-value, especially when they are not produced by Christians.

If I wanted to be popular and well-liked, I most likely would not re-post the articles. But I want you to know the truth. I don't want you to be deceived. I'm not trying to play the martyr here. I care about you and it hurts me to see anyone deceived.
So please, my sisters in Christ, give these articles a read. It will be worth it.

The "Son of God" Movie is NOT what you think (click link) - should we really go and see a movie about "Jesus" that is produced by New Agers? Is the gospel shared in Son of God the gospel of salvation or a social gospel? Please read.

God's Not Dead Movie Review (click link) - if you lay down the Bible as your defense, you have just laid down your weapon, your sword of the Spirit. You have already lost the battle.

I'm sorry to sound so melodramatic, but it's because at the moment, my heart hurts. It hurts because people are being deceived and don't know it.

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world." 1 John 4:1

"Klarabelle"

Being a Teenager

Well, I'm back!
{You didn't know I had left, did you? Well, I did... *surprise!*}
Anyway, I'm back now. What have I missed?

Since I can't think of anything extremely profound to say, here's a post that I wrote a while ago... enjoy!


In recent years, a new period of life has been added on to the American human's life. It's a time for people to act rebelliously, irresponsibly, and rudely. This age group is known as - you guessed it - the "teenagers". But does it really have to be that way?

I won't hide the fact that as you grow from a preteen girl to a teenager to an adult, it's not always easy. You're trying to learn independence while still being under the guidance and authority of your parents. Wills clash and arguments flare, but as someone who is a little older than most of you out there...I just wanna give you some advice / encouragement.

The world encourages teenagers to "be themselves". To look deep inside of themselves and find out who they really are. To be their unique self. To do what feels right. That's the secret to happiness, the world says. The world encourages girls to use the teenage years to discover their own special selves and to celebrate being...them.

Er, well...

Really?
First of all, we don't have to be rebellious. Your social ID doesn't have to look like:

Name: (fill it in)
Occupation: Rebellious Teenager

Although you may not always agree with your parents, you can still submit to their authority.

Note
Now I understand that some of you may have parents who are divorced or parents who are not Christians. Even though this is not an ideal situation for you, don't worry. God will be with you. You can stills submit to your parents even if they aren't Christians, as long as submitting to them does not go against God's will. In fact, if you are a godly example, they may even be curious about your faith and your actions might encourage them to inquire about your beliefs.

An Ugly Little Sin
I didn't used to think I was prideful. I mean, I wasn't acting like Gaston in Beauty and the Beast! But I am. I often find myself arguing with my mom about things that do not matter! But I argue anyway, because of my pride. That's what it - pardon the cliche - all boils down to, for me at least.

As usual, this is an all-over-the-place post. But I just wanna tell you, your parents are probably really cool people. Yeah, I know they're not perfect - but let's face it, we sure aren't perfect little angels either (though some people might think we are? lol). We're all unworthy sinners who have been offered divine grace. There's no room for pride there.

An Umbrella
God gave us parents to teach and protect us. As far as the protection part of it, picture yourself standing with your parents under a large umbrella. They're holding the handle. That umbrella is your parents' protection. When you scorn your parents' warnings and advice and disobey them, you leave the protection of the umbrella, and suddenly, you find yourself out in the rain. And it's not a fun place to be.

As far as teaching, my parents have taught me so much. If it weren't for them, I don't know if I'd even know the Lord at this time. They've got a lot more to teach me too, and I'd better not scorn their teaching.

The World
Let's go back to the typical definition of the rebellious teenager, and the world's encouragement to girls to "be themselves". I think it's great to discover who you are! What are your loves, likes / dislikes, passions, quirks, etc.? Those are some great things to know! But I believe you can still be the unique, beautiful, even quirky (and possibly a bit crazy at times) girl that God created you to be...while at the same time, walking with your Savior! Personally, I don't think we need to waste our teenage years struggling to discover our place in this world. We already have it - as daughters of the King! Sure, we may not know exactly where we're going, but that's okay.

End the?
I guess I just want to encourage you not to throw off your parent's authority. Though it can be tough at times, be the first one to apologize. Make sure your parents know you love them...because you know what? I bet you love your parents more than you know. Don't make your teenage years the years that you look back on with regret. You can use these years for the Lord, praising Him, witnessing and living a life to serve Him. You don't have to use these years for rebellion and selfishness.

I know it's hard. But you're only a teenager for a few years...and I hope that my years as a teenager will be used to positively influence others for Christ. Will you hope and pray for the same?

"Klarabelle"

The Resurrection...

Hiya!

First and foremost, Happy Easter Sunday! Or, as my family often calls it, Happy Resurrection Day! (We're not against saying "Easter", but I try to say "Resurrection Day" instead because it points to the "real meaning" of Easter... Jesus' resurrection!) I thought I'd share a few thoughts and Bible verses with you all...

Good Friday has come and gone... it's arrival can give rise to solemn thoughts as we think about Christ's suffering. It is continually amazing that Jesus, God incarnate, would allow Himself to be tortured so that we, sinful human beings, could have a relationship with the Father, God. Occasionally I find it sometimes ironic that such a sad day has been given the name "Good"... yet, Christ's death was part of God's plan of salvation, and what God does is always good.

I think it's good to remember Christ's suffering. We should not be flippant about, or forgetful concerning, what He allowed men to do to Him so that our sins could be forgiven. We should never, ever, forget the cross.

But Jesus' death was not the end. Three days later He rose again - the Resurrection.

For many years, I didn't quite comprehend the full importance of the Resurrection, but now I understand...

Jesus rising from the dead is proof that His sacrifice, that His death, was enough. No other atonement would be needed - no more sacrifices. No other atonement would be accepted - "good works" are not enough to save us (Ephesians 2:8-9 tell us that is we have been saved "through faith, and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." (emphasis added)

The Resurrection is also proof that Jesus was who He said He was. Only God's Son would have the power to rise from the dead. Jesus even prophesied His death and resurrection - check out Matthew 20:17-19! There were many eyewitnesses who saw Jesus after He rose again. You can check out this article at Answers in Genesis for evidences for the Resurrection.

As Easter Sunday / Resurrection Day approaches, Christians remember Jesus' sacrifice... but at the same time, we need to remember that that Jesus rose again. Jesus conquered death. He has given us our hope and our proof.

Christ the Lord is risen... praise the Lord!

"Klarabelle"

"For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve. After that He was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, of whom the greater part remain to the present, but some have fallen asleep. After that He was seen by James, then by all the apostles. Then last of all He was seen by me also, as by one born out of due time."

1 Corinthians 15:3-8

Christian Movie Review: REAL

Wow... I haven't posted in a while; sorry 'bout that!

How's it going with you all!? Well, I don't have anything particularly amazing to post today, so... here's a movie review! I wrote this months ago and haven't posted it! Yikes! Ok, here it is... 

I was really excited when several of you voted for "Christian movie reviews" on the poll I featured a couple {more like SEVERAL} months ago. Since then I've seen many good Christian movies and hoped to review them, but haven't done it yet! Recently I watched an inspiring Christian movie called Real. I wrote the review right away so I wouldn't forget about it.

First of all, I'm going to introduce you to my rating system. I'll vote the movies out of 5 stars (represented as asterisks) with one star being "Didn't like it, would not recommend" ranging up to the fifth star, "Loved it and would fully recommend it!"

Today's movie review is a Christian film called Real.

What's it about?
The movie starts out with Jesus in Gesthsemene being confronted by Satan. As Satan tempts Jesus, the movie leads into four stories in which Jesus helped the main character by giving that person hope. Jesus uses these stories to counter Satan's accusations.

The four stories feature four different people in modern times (give or take 30 years or so :)), dealing with tough situations. Jesus comes into their lives dressed in modern-day clothes and basically counsels them and gives then hope.

Smiley face stuff :)
I really loved this movie. The music fitted well, the acting was terrific, the stories were intriguing and there was never a part in the movie that caused me to be bored or uninterested. The characters seemed real (haha, no pun intended :p) and I felt as if I knew and understood them, even if they'd only been on screen for a few moments. However "Real" also caused me to think, but for a different reason than usual.

To me, "Real" is a great movie, but also served as a reminder that even if a movie is labeled "Christian", one must still be discerning when watching it. There were a few things that concerned me about this movie, which leads me into the next section of the review...

Frowny face stuff :(
One could say that the Jesus you find in the Bible was very "into" salvation. History points to, or looks back at, the cross and the resurrection. The Jesus portrayed in this movie is an excellent counselor (even if one of his analogies involving a pencil and Carbon completely lost me...hey, I'm not a scientist!) but He rarely discusses salvation. This is not neccesarily a negative point, it's just something to note. My take on this movie was that it showed people in unfortunate situations who were visited and given hope and counsel by Jesus, and this hope later led them to the cross. It's different; I've never really seen a movie like this before - maybe that's why I liked it so much. :p

Anyway, that paragraph up there is just a thought, the more concerning matter is that two of the characters marry a non-Christian - in other words, they are unequally yoked (verse reference) and this is not portrayed negatively, even though scripture clearly warns against this. Now I know these stories were based on real people's stories, but all I can say is, in the film the problem of being unequally yoked was solved by the non-Christian going to church. Now going to church is great, but it is not the way of salvation and a non-Christian going to church does not always lead to salvation because church is also fellowship for believers. Therefore my mom also pointed out that a non-Christian might watch it and could possibly get the wrong ideas about salvation. So, this is not exactly an evangelistic movie.  However I think this potentially a great movie for older Christians...

In other words, I loved this movie but I don't recommend it 100%. Here are some more notes...

And it's rated...? 
These people are in some tough situations - a teenage girl gets pregnant, a child is abused, a man discovers his wife having affairs, two men find themselves deep in gambling debts (and one considers suicide) and more. Though this movie is NR, I'm guessing it would receive a PG-13 for content and violence. This is a movie for older teens, to be watched preferably with parents as well. It's a powerful movie that would prompt great discussion afterwards.

Fun stuff
Randomly, I love the line when a science teacher is begging God to spare his mom. "I'll be a creationist!"

Also, Jesus has a pretty epic line, but I won't spoil it for you. :)

An Aside
Though this slightly dark movie centers deeply around hope and redemption, it does pose the deeply challenging question, "Why do good things happen to bad people?" though "Real" doesn't answer it directly, it does leave the viewer with a renewed sense of hope and passion. I would like to put in my own (keep typo-ing it as Ken:)) three cents, though...bad things happen to good people because we aren't really good. We sinned. The "bad things" that happened are a result that sin. Though I haven't read it yet, my mom read a great book by Ken Ham that talks more about this subject, called, "How Could a Loving God...?"

Anyway, back to "Real"...

Conclusion
All in all, this is a wonderful movie. I recommend it if it is watched with a parent, discretion, and a Biblical worldview. (Oh yes, and **** stars. :))

I encourage you to read the Dove review of this movie contains a full synopsis (without being extremely spoiler-filled) and list of violences, language and other "objectionable content".

"Klarabelle

Never Saves a Life

Today is the anniversary of Roe v. Wade... the court case whose decision has influenced so many Americans and taken so many lives. Abortion has been legal for 40 years... I received an e-mail from LifeNews.com two days ago saying that each day in America, almost 4 million children die as a result of abortion.

Several months ago I found this video on the Facebook ad space. (For once, it wasn't ads for Christian singles or the latest novel. :p) I meant to post the link a while ago, but I kept forgetting. Anyway, it's a great video! Apparently Ireland doesn't allow abortion... awesome! And, this video shows that women are never denied life-saving medical procedures, even though abortion is not allowed.
Check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVGvUF217us

I guess there's really nothing else to say... except please, please pray. As they say about abortion, "One dead, two wounded." We're not here to accuse or point fingers, but it is our duty to protect the innocent and help the wounded.

"Klarabelle"

One Year Ago Today

It's been exactly a year ago today, since I had cardiac arrest at a party. Before January 14th, 2012, my family and doctors knew I had heart problems because of one of the chemotherapies I received about seven years ago, but we had no idea something like this could happen. Though I remember very little about the event that occurred a year ago, I know from those who were there a basic outline of what happened. At the very least, I know this much: God mercifully allowed the right people at the right time to be where they needed to be. Though I went without oxygen for quite a long time, God was willing to do a miracle. 

Even after events looked positive in the sense that I would most likely recover, most people expected that I would be forever changed because of what had happened.... rehabilitation would almost surely be needed; I probably had some damage to my brain because of being without oxygen for so long. God could've stopped there; that would've been a great miracle in itself. But He had great mercy and allowed me to recover fully. 

Our family and friends were so supportive of us during this time (and afterwards :)). Though I hardly any of my hospital stay, the visitors who came to see me and friends from musicals that came to sing to me, I do know that much of Christ's love was shown to me and my family through the trial. I am so thankful and grateful to everyone who helped us last year; if you are reading this...thank you. 

A few months after the event, I was pretty much "back to normal". I now have an ICD (similar to a Pacemaker) installed in my chest that can work like an AED if my heart has further problems. I know I don't talk about my health problems much; it's almost as if I enjoy being "just another teenage blogger", just another blog among millions. Many teenagers have this whacky idea that they don't want to be different, and that they just want to be like everyone else. But that's not the right way to think about things, is it? We all have a unique story; God wants to use each and every one of us in a way that will glorify and bring honor to Him. 

God did a miracle for me...I have been told that God must have something very special planned for me, and I'm excited for whatever that is. God has a very special plan for you too, whether it includes health difficulties or not. God has a special destiny for each of us who choose to follow Him. 

Praise be to God for His great mercy and love. God did a miracle for me and my family... and that's not something to be silent about.

"Klarabelle"